I’ve written before about my conflicting feelings about grand romantic gestures. A part of me thinks they’re, well, romantic. I get swept up in the narrative of people publicly declaring their love for others. The other part of me thinks they’re creepy and invasive and I feel sorry for the person at the receiving end of the grand romantic gesture. We all swoon when we see a man surprise-propose to a woman in front of a crowd, but we don’t always consider what it’s like to be the woman who might not want to say yes (or wants to say yes, but not in front of a crowd), and yet there’s no way for the woman to exit the scene gracefully without looking like a Grade-A Asshole for stomping on some guy’s heart.
Crazy, Stupid, Love is a movie that strongly believes in the power of the Grand Romantic Gesture and True Love and Not Giving Up. As such, the film left me with several conflicting feelings. In fact, one storyline straight-up bothered me on a feminist level…and I still loved the movie. Like, draw-cartoon-hearts-and-smiley-faces-around-the-poster loved it.
Confused? So am I. I’ll begin with the only real problem I had with the movie: the storyline regarding Steve Carell’s character, his teenage babysitter who’s in love with him, and his teenage son who’s in love with the babysitter.
Basically, Jessica (Analeigh Tipton) thinks it would be a good idea for her to take naked pictures of herself and send them to newly divorced Cal (Steve Carell), while Robbie (Jonah Bobo) constantly texts Jessica and declare his love for her, even though she flat-out tells him that his behavior is making her uncomfortable. (Cal, meanwhile, is completely unaware of Jessica’s crush on him or Robbie’s crush on Jessica.) In my point of view, both characters did things that were inappropriate, but forgivable, given their ages and immaturity. By the end of the movie, though, one of these characters learns that hir actions were completely inappropriate and wrong, while the other character learns that hir actions were just fine and dandy, because the object of your affection will eventually change hir mind and be flattered by all the attention.
Guess which character learned which lesson?
Guess which character then gave the other character naked pictures to help “get [second character] through high school,” completely invalidating everything she said about this crush making her feel really uncomfortable, because she’s actually flattered that he won’t stop pursuing her after she said “no?” Oh, wait…did I give it away?
On paper, this storyline just icks me out on so many levels – the sexist double standard, the no not really meaning no, the boy knowing what the girl really wants, the girl rewarding him with nude pictures of herself (an action I have a very hard time believing at all). But I still couldn’t help really liking Robbie and his bad haircut and unwavering idealism. The kid doesn’t look remotely predatory or threatening and he’s, like, four feet tall, so that makes me dislike the storyline a little less. But I also liked that he just otherwise seemed like a decent kid. I liked his rant about assholes in The Scarlet Letter, and I especially liked that, even though he idolized his dad and wanted his parents to get back together, he didn’t shame or guilt his mother for having an affair and treated both of his parents with respect.
I didn’t like the way this kid continually ignored his babysitter’s requests to leave her alone, but I still liked the kid, dammit. I was still sort of rooting for him – not to get the girl, but to realize that he wouldn’t get the girl and be okay with it.
To reconcile these conflicting emotions, I have to imagine an epilogue for Robbie: Jessica goes to college, he realizes how inappropriate and stupid he was and burns the naked pictures he has of her. I didn’t approve of his behavior, but he is only thirteen in the movie and he can grow out of his boundary-crossing behavior.
Basically, I want Robbie to keep his idealism but learn to respect people’s boundaries.
The only problem is…I’m not sure if he’ll actually grow out of that behavior if the movie is rewarding him with naked pictures of the girl he crushed on. The resolution to this storyline is so icky. I don’t like it!
Yet, I feel like if this storyline took place in a different movie, I would be throwing things and cursing the movie’s name and writing three pages of rants about how this kind of thing contributes to the rape culture and the idea that stalking is romantic.
But because it took place in this movie, a voice in my brain is telling me, “Shut up, Lady T, and just enjoy it. You think too much.”
Telling someone s/he thinks too much is the ultimate silencing technique and I hate it. I’ve devoted full-length posts to trolls whose arguments all boil down to, “You think too much, just shut up and enjoy it.” It’s belittling, petty, and shuts down conversation. But this time, I was doing it to myself. My own brain told me to shut up and stop thinking too much.
Why? Because I was swept up in the romance and the magic of the rest of the movie, particularly in the Ryan Gosling/Emma Stone portion of the story, that I didn’t want to think anymore. I just wanted to feel.
I didn’t even care that the Jacob/Hannah subplot was a bit of a retread of the typical “shallow womanizing cad is redeemed by love of a good woman” story, because it didn’t feel like a retread. It felt refreshing and new and so goshdarn romantic that I want the movie to be on DVD RIGHT NOW so I can rewind and replay their scenes over and over again. Their chemistry was just electric and magical to the point where I would be vehemently rooting for them to get together in real life if I did that sort of thing.
Maybe that speaks to the power of the movie and the strength of its extremely talented cast. Like, I’m still not sure what Marisa Tomei’s character was doing in that movie except to be a “wacky,” weird, offensive portrayal of recovering alcoholics, but her performance still cracked me the hell up. “ASSHOLE!” After awhile I just didn’t want to pay attention to the tropes anymore because I found the cast and the story so engaging.
I suppose that’s the mark of a well-crafted movie. Even I couldn’t get too upset at the icky implications of one storyline because the story and characters were MAGIC.
But the resolution of that one storyline is still extremely icky.
But I still freaking loved this movie.
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Would it be silly to just say “Yeah, everything you just said.” Because that’s just about what I felt while watching the movie, including the part about Marisa Tomei’s character. (I felt so badly for her at the end.) I did kind of rationalize the resolution of the Jessica/Robbie storyline as Jessica not so much changing her mind as feeling relieved and reacting by doing something pretty dumb (and potentially punishable by law). And also icky. Personally, I hope that, in addition to Robbie realizing that his pursuit in the face of her denial was wrong, he also gets grossed out by knowing that she was thinking about his FATHER when she took the pictures.
But the reason I think of Jessica’s reaction more as relief than being flattered is that I read her reaction to his speech not as disappointment that he wasn’t going to keep pursuing her, but as dismay that her actions (along with those of his parents) contributed to completely crushing the romantic optimism out of the kid to the point where he was willing to bitterly proclaim his disbelief in true love to a gym full of people. I think one of the things that made Robbie so appealing is his confidence and his emotional openness. I think it’s much better for someone like that to believe in love and believe that he can overcome obstacles for love. So I don’t think Jessica is necessarily applauding Robbie’s intent to not give up on her, but his intent to not give up on love. But the picture thing was weird. Why would she even still have them? And have them at a middle school graduation ceremony at that? (I think the picture thing was the one real false step in the movie.)
Personally, I hope that, in addition to Robbie realizing that his pursuit in the face of her denial was wrong, he also gets grossed out by knowing that she was thinking about his FATHER when she took the pictures.
Right?! I will say that I liked how Jessica’s crush on Cal was handled. It could’ve been so “middle-aged male wish fulfillment fantasy” in the hands of the wrong writers, but I appreciated how it was told entirely from her point of view. I thought that was actually a rather sweet story of a girl who’s discovering her sexuality but not knowing how to handle it at ALL.
So I don’t think Jessica is necessarily applauding Robbie’s intent to not give up on her, but his intent to not give up on love.
That’s a really good point. I agree that the picture thing was the only false step. If she had, say, given him a fully-clothed senior portrait of herself, that might’ve been sweet.
Yes! I felt the same way about this movie. I really enjoyed it; I saw it twice in fact. But I was EXTREMELY bothered by the naked picture conclusion. Come on, inappropriate!! And I hadn’t thought about the lack of boundaries on Robbie’s part (like you, I was just enjoying it so much) but you totally hit the nail on the head: he learns that his behavior throughout the film has been totally acceptable.
I also really enjoyed the scene in which Emma Stone makes Ryan Gosling take off his shirt and won’t let him put it back on. Throughout the whole scene, she’s making him uncomfortable just by doing to him what he does to all women. Like you said, it’s been done before, but it didn’t feel that way watching it.
And I AM rooting for Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling to fall in love for real life.
Like you said, it’s been done before, but it didn’t feel that way watching it.
I think it helped that Ryan Gosling’s character, while a womanizer, didn’t come across as a lying womanizer to me. There are the types that will deliberately lead women on and make them think that they want a real relationship, get laid, and dump them. Then, when these types fall in love for real, we’re supposed to find them oh so romantic. *gag* Jacob, on the other hand…I never got a sense from him that he was a deceitful type. So when he falls in love for real, it’s a lot more believable.
My favorite part of the scene was when he told her she was adorable, and she said, “I’m NOT adorable! I’m SEXY!” I was just thinking, “Awww, no, honey, you’re both“
By for real life, I meant either for real, or in real life. Take your pick.
I’ve seen it thanks to your recommendation (that in spite of one creepy bit you loved it:P) — and I really liked it. I’ve been prepared for the icky part – but it still was a bit icky. But– as has been mentioned — this storyline has been handled better than in the hands of other prospective writers.
What I liked most about it that the film managed to preserve many tropes typical of the romantic comedy genre, it did not make it a typical brainless stereotype-filled rom com. I think the multiple storyline strategy helped. The acting was much better than I expected — Carell was not Michael Scott (well, not for the most part). The teen/kid actors were cute and believable (maybe too much – they made us like the cute little stalker!:P)
This movie achieved another thing — the grand romantic gesture did not made me want to throw up (like they mostly do!) but actually brought tears into my eyes! And that’s not something that happens often…I much more often cry from laughter, but from being moved – almost never; of course, I cry at the end of “Roman Holiday” (from the car scene till the end), I did cry watching “Katyń”(but that’s still a different kind of crying), but I NEVER cry during any melodramas or rom coms or the like… Maybe I’m getting more sentimental with age, but I guess that’s just good narration…