I haven’t watched last week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries yet, and I probably won’t watch this week’s episode, either. In fact, I’m probably going to take a break from this show for a little while, at least until I read more promising spoilers.
Even saying that I want to read spoilers is a sign of how uncertain I feel about this show right now. I used to be a complete spoilerphobe when it came to The Vampire Diaries, to the point of literally covering my ears and going “la la la” when other fans talked about episodes I’d missed.
I just can’t handle this whole Damon/Elena thing, people.
I really thought I could. I’ve written before about why Elena/Stefan/Damon is my favorite love triangle and how much I appreciate the complexities of all three relationships (and how I love it even more when Katherine is thrown into the mix). I’ve mentioned that I love the way Elena’s relationships with Stefan and Damon are changing and evolving over time, in ways that were true to character. And I said that I would be fine with an eventual Damon/Elena relationship even though I’m a fan of Stefan/Elena.
Now Damon/Elena has actually happened, and I can’t do it, folks. I can’t.
First, you have to understand that The Vampire Diaries, like Glee, is a show that I discovered at a very difficult time in my life, and like every emotionally healthy person, I turned to television for comfort when it was too painful to talk to people. The Stefan/Elena relationship, much like the Kurt/Blaine relationship on Glee, was a strangely comforting story when I was going through a bad time. When they broke up in “Plan B” – season two, episode six – I did the heavy, dry sobbing thing for several minutes. It was ugly, folks.
As you can see, that relationship struck a personal chord with me, and I feel attached to it. Even aside from my personal attachment, though, I’ve always preferred Stefan/Elena to Damon/Elena for two reasons: I thought they had more chemistry (obviously a very subjective thing), and Stefan respects Elena’s choices.
This is a pattern that I’ve seen over and over again, and was most glaring in season two. Elena wanted to make a deal with Elijah. Stefan didn’t necessarily agree with her choice, but respected it, while Damon told them all to go to hell because they didn’t protect Elena the wayhe wanted them to. I can’t forget the way Damon dismissed Elena’s opinions in the season finale as “every bad idea, ever,” and I can’t stand the way he’s constantly telling her what she wants and the kind of person she is.
Damon doesn’t respect Elena’s choices. Stefan does.
Now, to be fair to both brothers, I don’t think their respective attitudes regarding Elena’s choices are all about Elena. I think Damon has a very low opinion of humanity in general and thinks free will is overrated. He remembers how used his free will to become obsessed with Katherine and cling to her memory for a century and a half. He doesn’t think the ability to choose is the big deal it’s cracked up to be because he remembers his own string of poor choices. Stefan, on the other hand, was compelled by Katherine and was compelled by Klaus, and knows how it feels to lose control. That’s why he values free will and choice above almost everything.
Still, I don’t like the way Damon is constantly telling Elena, “This is who you really are. You’re a creature of the night, a killer, blah blah blah.” He wants Elena to be just like him, and in doing so, overlooks and discounts her compassion and inherent goodness – two qualities that are at the very core of who Elena is as a person. Stefan, on the other hand – I can’t help but think of the way he spoke to Caroline in the second episode of this season, where he admitted that he wanted Elena to let loose and experience what it means to be a vampire, but didn’t know how to be around her while she did it, because of his own issues.
Some fans see Stefan as the brother who puts Elena on a pedestal while Damon is the one who loves Elena for who she really is. I never saw them that way. I saw Stefan as the brother who values the whole Elena – the side of her that wants to be compassionate and good and not hurt anyone, and the part of her that wants to indulge a little in being a vampire – while Damon is the brother who wants Elena to be like him.
Then episode five of this season happened, when everything went to hell, because Stefan kept information from Elena for no good reason.
Seriously, what was that? Stefan hasn’t kept information from Elena since the first season, as far as I can remember. He tells her things. And this episode had him keeping information about a potential cure away from Elena – why? Because Klaus said so? Since when does Stefan do what Klaus tells him to, unless he’s being compelled?
And then we have that anvil dropped on our heads when Damon claims that “he loves Elena either way?” Right, except when she’s being compassionate and caring about the lives of human beings – then you think she’s being stupid and overly sentimental, but that counts as loving her either way?
And now, on top of everything else, Elena has run into Damon’s arms and slept with him, right when Caroline has figured out that there’s a probable sire bond between Elena and Damon.
So, first we have Stefan acting out of character, disrespecting Elena’s choices and keeping secrets about her FROM her, to make Damon/Elena more possible, and now we have a disgusting, rapey consent issue at the heart of the Damon/Elena hookup that can be used as a convenient escape clause to get back to Stefan/Elena?
What has happened to the writing of this triangle? I’m honestly appalled.
And it didn’t have to be this way.
Because as big a fan I am of Stefan/Elena, the Damon/Elena eventuality made sense to me. Damon has many faults, but I haven’t forgotten that he was there for Elena in ways that Stefan wasn’t and couldn’t be for an entire season. I haven’t forgotten about the trust that was built between them, organic trust that was in character for both parties. I haven’t forgotten that Damon was kind and empathetic to Elena, and dropped the judgment when she was at her most vulnerable.
I could also see the writing on the wall, that Stefan’s “no human blood whatsoever” method of being a vampire wasn’t going to work for Elena. I could see that Damon’s way of being a vampire worked better for Elena.
There it is: a way to make Damon/Elena plausible and strong, in-character storytelling, that would make even Stefan/Elena fans like me appreciate and be interested in the relationship. Inherent trust built over a year + compatible vampire styles = relationship. The formula was ready. The pieces were in place for everything to move smoothly.
Instead, Stefan is suddenly a withholding jerk, Elena is suddenly attached to Damon because of sire issues and not because of their friendship, and Damon is suddenly an accidental rapist. (Of Elena. He was already a rapist of Caroline and Andie.)
What the HELL, Show?
Also, knock it off with the constant killing of black people. This was always a problem you’ve had, but it’s become even more glaring now that Bonnie has almost NOTHING to do and you brought on that hybrid Chris for one episode just to use as cannon fodder. STOP IT. RIGHT NOW.
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Delena’s chemistry is tangible because he’s a bad boy. And bad boys make you think they can see into your soul. Stelena’s relationship is safe and healthy (usually) and very, very boring. Not that Damon doesn’t love her, but 100 years together? Dis-as-ter. Stelena in a 100 years? Running an orphanage somewhere while sustainable farming and building at lightening speed for Habitats for Humanity.
Your Habitat for Humanity comment made me giggle, but I never thought Stefan and Elena’s relative stability made them boring. Shake up the relationship by all means, but I love Stelena’s stable cuteness. I find it more entertaining to watch than the Delena “I can’t be redeemed”/”yes you can!” “You’re a creature of the dark!”/”No I want to be gooood!” back and forths.
I’m also not into the bad boy thing. I’ve seen too much of the bad boy become the abusive boy thing in real life.
I’m also really, really hoping for a Caroline/Klaus romance. Like, really hoping.
Yeah, bad boys. Another way of being an alcoholic/abuser/etc and romanticize it. Agreed.
Forgive me, but I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not, in either/both of your comments.
No! no! I am serious.
Okay, thanks for the clarification.
Yeah, I’m not a big fan of the “bad boy” archetype. I understand why the character type is appealing because it’s wish fulfillment. “This guy is sexy-dangerous but will treat ME well because I’m different!” So, what, the women he treated badly deserve it, then?
This has been a weird two weeks, the last two weeks of eps are siting on my dvr unwatched. I thought I could hang, I DID.
>>The formula was ready. The pieces were in place for everything to move smoothly.
Instead, Stefan is suddenly a withholding jerk, Elena is suddenly attached to Damon because of sire issues and not because of their friendship, and Damon is suddenly an accidental rapist. (Of Elena. He was already a rapist of Caroline and Andie.)<<
This, so much. I just I think what bothers me the most as die hard Stalena shipper is that I wanted Delana to have a *real* shot. I wanted to see for myself it they could win me over. Instead like you said, they thought they had to make Stefan do something he hasn't done in three years, they insist on bringing up some really dumb sire issue that Damon said he'd never heard of until Klaus (or at least that it was rare so is that supposed to mean the sire bond is PART of already existing feelings because that's one more time around the rosy than anyone needs to go) And yet I think that is totes what they are going to say.
Which y'know less rapey at least, but C'MON just let Elean have some kicks.
Taken together with the shows continued sort of gross treatment of black characters, and the way they have wasted Bonnie for the better part of the last two, and yeah I needed a break.
I mean it says alot that my favorite part of S4 (aside from Stefan. And Matt. And Jeremy. Is Klaus, and Klaus/Caroline). So even when I'm mad at this show I still think roughly have of it kicks ass. I'm over Tyler/Caroline because he brought Phoebe Tonkin's annoyng ass on my show. Fuckin' LAME Tyler (though objectively that storyline is a pretty good one, I just wish that time had gone to BONNIE instead. Bonnie/Matt!)
This, so much. I just I think what bothers me the most as die hard Stalena shipper is that I wanted Delana to have a *real* shot. I wanted to see for myself it they could win me over.
Exactly. I wanted them to sell it to me! I want to be able to enjoy the show whether or not my ship is sailing.
I’m also keen on the idea of Bonnie/Matt, because both of them need some love, and it would make me laugh to see Matt date all three women in his friend group.
Tyler/Caroline, I was never that keen on to begin with, at least not as an actual couple. I was moved by his growing love for her, but enjoyed the story more when it was unrequited, and I got more feeling from Caroline’s scenes with Matt than with Tyler.
I agree on the Caroline/Klaus love. They are the main thing I’m enjoying about this season (though Caroline is the main thing I enjoy about every season plus I never really felt that Tyler was worthy of her). I wish I could understand what’s appealing to me about Klaus/Caroline when I don’t like Delena.
Re: the Stelena/Delena issue. I honestly don’t know how they are going to get out of this. My guess is they’ll pull a Spike/Buffy/Angel ending where she doesn’t end up with either guy allowing the fans to fantasize about her getting with either one. I really enjoyed the first few episodes and was impressed that we got as much as the Stelena love that we got. The “Memorial” episode 2 is one of my favorites. As far as Stefan going out of character….I just assumed he didn’t tell Elena about the cure because he didn’t want to get her hopes up in case they couldn’t find one.
AND I totally called it. The bond exists because of pre-existing feelings BUT it should be pre-existing feelings both ways and its clearly not, because Damon didn’t really give a crap about New Awlins girl. UGH show why you are trying to disappoint me four years in!
I wish I could understand what’s appealing to me about Klaus/Caroline when I don’t like Delena.
I’m not very big on Klaus/Caroline either, because I find Klaus rather one-note as a character, and in fact I’m not a fan of any of the Originals (except Elijah. I LOVE ELIJAH). But, the pairing doesn’t bother me as much as this current portrayal of Damon/Elena. Maybe because I don’t expect that the show will turn Klaus/Caroline into this amazing fulfilling true love relationship. I predict that it will be portrayed as sexy but seriously messed up, along the lines of Katherine/Stefan or Katherine/Damon. I can handle that.
I just assumed he didn’t tell Elena about the cure because he didn’t want to get her hopes up in case they couldn’t find one.
That’s the most forgiving interpretation and I can kind of see that, but I feel like Stefan usually likes Elena to have all of the information no matter what.
I’ve never seen the show but I found this interesting. I do however watch Glee, almost purely at this point for the Kurt/Blaine relationship, so if you wanted to do a piece on them I’d love to read it.
Thank you!
I have written about Kurt and Blaine before, but I never published it on this blog, because most of what I wrote is far too personal for me to share with the Internet. If I can bring myself to write a less intense version of it, I’ll definitely post it.