“Modern Family’s” Phil Dunphy: Elevating the Man-Child

The man-child is one of my least favorite character tropes. Grown men who can’t be arsed to take control of their lives until a female cipher “character” comes by and redeems him/teaches him how to mature, thus taking the role of his mommy-wife…no, thank you. (This is why I tend to avoid most Judd Apatow projects that aren’t Freaks and Geeks.) The man-child is a character archetype that manages to be insulting to men and women, and I have no use for characters like that who aren’t Homer Simpson.

This is why I’m so fond of Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy, a character who first seems like a typical man-child, but soon shows himself to be much more complex and well-rounded – a man who has child-like interests and still handles plenty of grown-up responsibilities.

On the surface, Phil Dunphy is a combination of several tired sitcom stereotypes. He’s the childlike adult man, the whipped husband under the control of his nagging wife, the dad who tries too hard to be the “cool parent” to impress his kids. Over time, though, the writers and Ty Burrell showed us several more dimensions of the character, much more well-rounded than initially meets the eye.

One of Phil’s defining traits is an enthusiasm for life. He doesn’t do anything halfway. He tries to walk on a wire, creates elaborate presentations for his real estate business, and when he treats his father-in-law to a massage, he lights sage and incense in the room and gets deeply, spiritually in touch with his role as a masseur. The show treats Phil’s enthusiasm as something to be celebrated and emulated, as he finds joy in almost everything he does.

Another thing I like about Phil’s characterization is that he’s not shown to be a bumbling fool. There are times when he doesn’t know what he’s doing and has to be “rescued” by his more in-control wife, yes, but he’s more than competent in other areas of his life. He’s great at buying presents for people. He’s a good real estate salesman and also turns out to be a truly excellent masseur, so good that he could have turned it into a career if he hadn’t heard the siren song of real estate.

But perhaps my favorite thing about Phil Dunphy is the way he enthusiastically embraces traditionally feminine traits. He likes being the sensitive dad, he takes pride in his massage skills, and talks about his college cheerleading past with affection and pride. He bonds more easily with his son Luke than with either of his daughters, but not because of favoritism – he and Luke just have more in common. He also seems to enjoy female-centric films: when Haley, trying to get out of trouble at college, uses Elle Woods from Legally Blonde as a reference point, Phil angrily responds, “This is real life, Haley, not an excellent movie!”

I was honestly moved by the episode “Virgin Territory,” where he discovers that Haley’s had sex. He doesn’t quite know how to deal with this information, and the show presents his dilemma not as a possessive father who feels like he “owns” his daughter’s virginity, but as the dilemma of a confused parent who isn’t ready to hear that his oldest child is growing up. He also seems to realize right away that this problem is his problem, not Haley’s, and he manages to communicate (through coded language) that he trusts her to make her own choices. If only more fathers (on TV and in general) were as supportive of their daughters’ sexual choices as Phil is of Haley’s.

Phil Dunphy is a character who manages to be endearingly childlike without being a man-child, a father who enjoys being the “cool parent” and still isn’t afraid to show his kids tough love when they need it, who calls handshakes “man-shakes” and also enjoys cheerleading. He shows that adult men can have a youthful enthusiasm for life while still being a responsible grown-up (most of the time). I hope he starts a new trend of character archetypes so we can finally get a break from the less appealing man-children.