“Girls” and the Nature of Criticism

Remember when I predicted that Girls would become that show where not liking it was akin to “not getting it,” and “You just don’t understand Girls” is said in a tone of voice unique to hipsters produced in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, who survive solely on fair trade coffee and vinyl records?

Well, some of those suspicions have been confirmed. I was looking at my site stats the other day to see where people had found my blog, and I came across this tumblr called goodaesthetic that took issue with my initial commentary on Girls:

” First off she mentions in her about me to ‘not take life too seriously’, and yet her judgements against Girls basically prove she is in fact taking life too seriously. A guy having a weird/stumbling rape fantasy is not akin to actual real anal old man rape! They should not make you equally uncomfortable. That is not the fault of the show, but instead the fault of your own sexual hang ups. The things that turn people on can often disgust others, but as long as their actions are consensual there is no reason to judge anyone.”

This comment was in response to my saying that I found a rape fantasy scene in Girls more uncomfortable to watch than an actual rape scene from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. On the surface, I understand why this comparison would seem mind-boggling, but I tried to use as many “I” statements as possible in my original post. I never said that having a rape fantasy was akin to actual rape;  I tried to say that, on a personal, visceral level, Girls made me more uncomfortable than The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Why did a scene involving a rape fantasy make me squirm more than an actual rape scene? I’m not quite sure. Maybe it’s because I saw Dragon Tattoo with a friend in a movie theater and could discuss the film with her as soon as the credits rolled, while I watched that episode of Girls in my room, alone, with a computer screen close to my face, in a more intimate setting with no one else to help me process what I just watched.

Or, maybe it’s because The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo didn’t expect me to find any humor in that rape scene, while Girls wanted me to think that sex scene was oh-so-funny and oh-so-true-to-life and HILARIOUSLY and REALISTICALLY awkward.

Whatever the reason, I felt the need to clarify what I meant. When I write that I feel uncomfortable when watching that particular sex scene in Girls, I’m not trying to tell everyone to feel uncomfortable along with me. I’m only saying that I, personally, found the scene uncomfortable to watch, and I didn’t find it funny.

Also, I consider myself pretty “sex positive,” but if I have to applaud or laugh at Girls’s Adam for acting out his “raping an eleven-year-old” fantasy on Hannah in order to be “sex positive,” then send me over to the “sex negative” side and dub me Judge Judy and Executioner, because even if there’s no actual violation of consent with acting out that fantasy, it’s still hella gross – especially if your partner isn’t prepared for it ahead of time.

Anyway, moving on:

“I keep hearing this ‘the sex scenes are too awkward to watch’ shit. I don’t know what kind of magical movie porn sex with nicely lit candles and glistening bodies most people are having, but last time I checked sex is way awkward. There is no non-dorky way to take off white gym socks or boxer briefs. Moving between positions especially when you don’t overtly plan it, often leads to some weird hybrid non-functional kama sutra reject body situations. I have kicked dudes in the face way too often.”

This is true, and one thing I genuinely like about Girls is the show’s willingness to depict sex as occasionally awkward and uncomfortable, like when Marnie bumped her head against the top of the bunk bed while engaging in makeup sex that eventually turned out to be breakup sex. That kind of thing happens more frequently than we’d like to admit, and I appreciate the show’s willingness to go there.

Of course, that same episode had a scene where Jessa had a conversation with her ex-boyfriend where he firmly insisted several times that they were not going to have sex, followed immediately by a scene where they tear each other’s clothes off while wacky music plays. You’ll forgive me for not giving cookies for realism when the show employs one of the most tiresome sitcom and rom-com cliches.

Then there’s this:

“She also writes about how she finds the characters unlikable, uninteresting, and even cliche…just not even going to respond to that shit, especially since she seems to love The Vampire Diaries and Glee…’nuff said.”

I don’t care that this person doesn’t like The Vampire Diaries or Glee (the second of which I stopped watching months ago, but that’s besides the point), or that this person thinks less of my taste because I blog about these two shows. I’m quoting this part of the post because I want to ask this question: can someone please tell me the last time either The Vampire Diaries or Glee made any claims to being realistic? I believe both shows make a point of being over-the-top. My expectations for a teen vampire soap opera and a teen satire-musical are going to be different than a show that wants to be Freaks and Geeks except with spoiled twentysomethings instead of clueless teenagers.

Finally, my favorite part:

“Ladies and writing like this are the reason I stopped frequenting Jezebel. This type thinks of themselves as funny, interesting feminists, but they often come across as just girl haters. If you don’t ‘get’ or like Girls don’t watch it. Meanwhile all that energy you are wasting criticizing a show that is unquestionably unique and unprecedented could be spent writing angry emails to CBS to fucking cancel Two and a Half Men already.”

I’m not going to address the part where she doesn’t think I’m interesting or funny, because that’s her opinion and she’s entitled to it. (I’m assuming this person is a woman.) What makes me raise my eyebrows is the label of “girl hater.” What exactly makes me and/or the writers of Jezebel girl haters? Is it the fact that we’re criticizing a woman-centric show created by a woman? Now, I’ve seen some gross, misogynistic, body-shaming comments and personal attacks against Lena Dunham on other areas of the web, but I didn’t do any of that. (Besides, everyone knows that I don’t just hate girls; I’m a Stalinist, so I hate everybody.)

Also, I always laugh whenever I see comments such as, “If you don’t like this show that you are writing about, don’t watch it,” because I always say, “And if you don’t like reading criticisms of a show you enjoy, read something else.”

As for the suggestion that I write angry letters to CBS asking them to cancel Two and a Half Men…well, let me put it this way. There’s a reason why I write about Girls and not Two and a Half Men, why I tweet feminist comments at President Obama but not Mitt Romney, or indeed, why I respond to this tumblr post but don’t address the conservative anti-feminist blogger who has me on a blogroll (probably to point out why women like me are ruining the country) – because asking CBS to cancel Two and a Half Men, tweeting at Mitt Romney, and addressing the conservative anti-feminist blogger would be a complete waste of my time.

Over the last year and a half, I’ve discovered an unpleasant side of feminist criticism that accuses feminists and/or women of focusing on the “wrong” things. We shouldn’t write about the problems with Girls because so many other shows are MORE problematic, or we shouldn’t criticize the president for being a weak ally to women because the Republicans are so much worse.

Well, I’m not writing to Mitt Romney because I know he’ll never listen to me unless he undergoes a complete personality transplant, but I do think President Obama has it in him to be a stronger ally to women, which is why I focus my energies there.

Similarly, I’m writing about Girls because the writers of Two and a Half Men are never going to listen to me (and CBS will keep the show running until the end of time even if it involves cryogenically freezing the cast), but Lena Dunham just might.

I’m also writing about Girls and not Two and a Half Men because Girls inspires many conflicting emotions and thoughts in me, while Two and a Half Men doesn’t provoke any reaction other than, “This is sexist and unfunny.”

AND I’m writing about this tumblr post and not a different site that criticizes me because this post gave me a chance to address a couple of aspects of feminist criticism that I’ve been thinking about for awhile.

Ultimately, though, it seems I was right about Girls becoming That Show where disliking it means you don’t get it. Of course, if Girls was getting universal praise, the hipster demographic that the show appeals to wouldn’t like it nearly as much as they do now. So, particular segment of Girls fans? You’re welcome.

This latest episode, on the other hand, I thought was pretty funny, where more of the awkwardness was true to life and Hannah had a good balance of being an asshole and being actually sympathetic, so maybe the show is hitting its groove. Who knows?