I am pro-choice.
I am a woman in my twenties who is – as far as I know – physically capable of a) getting pregnant and b) carrying the pregnancy to term.
I currently do not wish to a) get pregnant, b) carry a pregnancy to term, and either c) raise a child or d) give up a child for adoption. That opinion may change when I get older.
At the same time, the thought of terminating an unwanted pregnancy makes me upset.
The thought of becoming pregnant before I was ready to become a mother fills me with approximately the same amount of dread as the idea of terminating a pregnancy. Needless to say, I am conflicted about abortion when it comes to myself, my body, and my life.
I know other women who are similarly conflicted about this issue.
I also know women who are not in the slightest bit conflicted about this issue.
I know some women who categorically do not ever want children and would terminate a pregnancy without regrets. I know some women who want children, but do not ever want to become pregnant for health reasons and would terminate a pregnancy with some regrets. I know some women who do not want to become pregnant and are therefore vigilant with their birth control methods. I know some women who use no form of contraception whatsoever because they believe in letting nature take its course, and would not consider terminating a pregnancy except in the most extreme of circumstances.
In this last group of women, I include women who are opposed to legal abortion and women who support legal abortion. One of my most vivid memories from college is the image of my proudly pregnant friend attending pro-choice rallies and defending a woman’s right to choose as she eagerly awaited the birth of her own child.
I don’t know why each individual woman feels the way she does about abortion and pregnancy. I can’t pretend to know. I don’t understand the individual circumstances of their lives, why some of them would abort and some of them wouldn’t, why some are eager to become parents and others are not. I’m not omniscient or omnipotent.
This is why I am pro-choice.
For this, I am called an extremist.
Liberals, progressives, and people who identify with left-wing politics are often accused of “thinking they know what’s best for people and imposing their will on others.”
I am a liberal progressive who identifies with left-wing politics, and I am readily admitting that I have no idea what people’s lives are like, and therefore trust them to make decisions about their own lives and bodies as they see fit.
For this, I am called an extremist.
I am an extremist for saying, “I don’t know a single thing about your life or circumstances, so I’m leaving those choices up to you, because I trust that you know what’s best for yourself.”
Am I missing something?
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Reading this makes me happy to live in a country where “pro-life” (anti-choice?) is considered the extremist opinion.
If anti-choice legislation keeps up, my uterus is probably going to want to move there.
As a man this is a decision that I will never have to face. All I know is that if my fiancée were to have an abortion my role would be the same as if she were giving birth. Stand back, hold her hand and do nothing to make her think it won’t all be ok.
If I had the power or authority to bless people, I would bless you for saying this.
Seriously, thank you. Your fiancee is a very lucky woman.
Thank you for those kind words. I was originally going to say “and stay quiet” but I realised saying that could mean I was just withholding judgement and I know that the most important thing to do in such a situation would be to show support.
I relate to your feelings about getting a hypothetical abortion. Oddly when I was 19, had no kids and was eagerly pursuing a degree and too broke to even eat every day I simply could not bare the thought of having an abortion anyway. Of course I was very privileged. My mom and my boyfriend (now husband) and his family were all supportive of us and financially supported me and the baby until husband joined the AF. I only say “oddly” above, because now that we are married, financially secure and have 2 kids I am much more willing to abort a hypothetical pregnancy. At this moment I know that I absolutely do not want another baby and I also could not emotionally handle another pregnancy.
Plus the IUD I have right now makes it so any pregnancy would almost certainly be ectopic and i’d have to get one or i’d die.
So in summation: yes, feelings around abortion are complex and it isn’t always readily apparent why a person makes the choices they do. But they deserve the benefit of the doubt that the choice they make is right for them. full stop.
I think this is one of the biggest ways in which American political discourse is, shall we say, “broken.” We hve set up a system in which we think about the issues that effect all of us in a very “either-or”/”black-or-white” way. Either your Pro-Choice (which implies that you are 100 per cent pro abortion in all circumstances) OR you are Pro-life (which implies that you are one hundred per cent anti-abortion in all circmstances). Others respond to you based on the label that you choose, and, because we structure the conversation in a way that forces us to use labels that don’t allow for conflicted views or amiguity, you sometimes get hit with other labels that do not accurately reflect your views (in your case, “extremist” would be one of them). Your point of view, the way you expressed it here, does not seem in the least extreme to me. In fact, it seems thoughtful and resonable. But the sad thing about this issue in particular is that we’ve created a climate around it that doesn’t allow for any kind of moderation: you’re expected to come out on one side or the other, and then be attacked based on whichever side you chose.
It seems like grrown, thinking peoole would be capable of a more nuanced discussion than that, doesn’t it?
As someone who lives in a country (Germany), where “pro-life” (whatever it may mean for some people) isn’t a popular opinion, I find it often confusing and strangely fascinating how this debate continues to divide the United States.
And I was really shocked when I was reading this:
Birth Control isn’t about women
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/21/joe-walsh-birth-control-d_n_1288822.html?ref=chicago&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
And then I, personally, am not able to understand how some women are able to support “pro-life” and clip their own rights..
P.S.: Really like your blog 🙂