Lately, I haven’t been writing my monthly “Movies I Won’t be Seeing” posts. (The last post of that kind was written in November.) Right now my brain is caught up with The Rom-Com Project and the Oscars and there’s very little room left for movie trailers. Don’t worry, though – I plan to eventually return to reviewing movies I haven’t seen. I’ll probably return to those posts in March.
In the meantime, let’s look at EW.com’s 25 Movies We Can’t Wait to See. I flipped through the slideshow of films and realized that I can wait – possibly forever – to see most of these movies.
Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (February 24) – It’s a Tyler Perry movie. Need I say more? I can wait forever to see this. Also, I love that the movie description tells me that Thandie Newton’s character is a janitor. Last time I checked, janitors don’t have a habit of dressing up in skin-tight short minidresses. (Although that certainly would have made Scrubs a very different show than it was…)
John Carter (March 9) – A Civil War veteran is transported to Mars. Uh. Okay. At least that’s…different? But I feel like this movie is missing a big opportunity. The writers should go the route of Snakes on a Plane and give the film a title that tells you exactly what you’re going to see. A Civil War Soldier Goes to Mars would suffice.
Mirror Mirror (March 16) – This looks cheesy and stupid, but Julia Roberts looks like she’s having a hell of a time playing the Evil Queen and I bet she gives an enjoyable performance. I might go see this on a rainy day.
21 Jump Street (March 16) – I have no nostalgic attachment to the original TV show and I dislike Jonah Hill. There’s no way I’m seeing this.
The Hunger Games (March 23) – I can’t remember the last time I felt so unenthusiastic about an upcoming film adaptation of a book I enjoyed, but from the trailer, I think the direction looks uninspired, Josh Hutcherson’s Peeta looks like the much younger brother of Jennifer Lawrence’s Katniss, and none of these people look remotely hungry. I’ll see it. I’m just not very excited about it.
The Three Stooges (April 13) – I don’t even know what to say.
The Avengers (May 4) – It’s The Flinstones Meet the Jetsons but with superheroes! Still, Joss Whedon is directing, and that’s enough to put me in the audience.
Dark Shadows (May 11) – I’m over Johnny Depp, I’m over Tim Burton, I’m ESPECIALLY over the Depp/Burton combination, and I never saw the original TV show so the nostalgia doesn’t grab me. This is a loser on all fronts.
The Dictator (May 11) – Sacha Baron Cohen is undeniably talented, but I think he peaked with Borat, and he’s also gross. This film could be amusing but I’ll probably save it for a rental.
Battleship (May 18) – You cannot be fucking serious.
Men in Black 3 (May 25) – Even though this is a completely unnecessary sequel, I’m a little tickled at the idea of Josh Brolin playing a younger version of a Tommy Lee Jones character. I don’t know why.
Snow White and the Huntsman (June 1) – For the second time in this post, I feel the need to suggest an alternate title for a film. Let’s just call it Charlize Theron Rocks and Who Cares About Snow White? and be done with it.
Rock of Ages (June 1) – I can think of several Broadway musicals that I would like to see made into films. This is not one of them.
Prometheus (June 8) – I should probably get around to seeing the Alien movies before watching this, right? Oops, never mind – I forgot that I am a scaredy-cat.
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted – Really?
Brave (June 22) – I’ve mentioned before that I’m a little tired of movies that are all about WOMEN FIGHTING AGAINST STEREOTYPES instead of, I don’t know, women living their lives, where the stereotype-fighting is in the background and a daily part of life (and not the main plot of the movie). But it’s Pixar, so it’s going to be great. Good on them for finally making a movie with a female protagonist.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22) – ” the adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith’s 2010 novel, which blames a secret vampire cabal for the Confederacy’s fierce defense of slavery.” Um. Okay. I don’t know whether to think that’s very weirdly offensive and horrible, or way too ridiculous to be even worth mentioning. Anyway, at least it’s a quasi-original idea?
The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3) – Great. Instead of a movie where Peter spends the entire time having angst over Uncle Ben and M.J., now we can have a movie where he spends the entire time having angst over his parents (mostly his father because LOL mothers don’t really count in these movies!) and Gwen Stacy. On the plus side, I saw the trailer and I already like Andrew Garfield more than Tobey Maguire.
The Dark Knight Rises (July 20) – Smarter than the av-er-age superhero movies. I will definitely see this and enjoy it, even if I don’t LOVE the franchise the way many people do.
Total Recall (August 3) – Sigh.
Skyfall (November 7) – I’m Bored. James Bored.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (November 16) – Bella Swan turns into the mostest specialist sparkliest vampire that ever existed and gets everything she wants, and her best friend/second choice of love interest continues to fall in love with her daughter. I wish I were making this up.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (December 14) – I will not cry when listening to the Shire theme, I will not cry when listening to the Shire theme…
This is 40 (December 21) – The Knocked Up supporting characters get their own showcase. I feel the same way about Paul Rudd as Jeff Winger does. At the same time, I think their subplot produced some of the most emotionally honest scenes of Knocked Up, so this could be fun. Let’s hope this is more Freaks and Geeks Apatow and less Pineapple Express Apatow.
The Great Gatsby (December 25) – Leo DiCaprio as Gatsby? Cool. Carey Mulligan as Daisy? YAY! Tobey Maguire as Nick? Meh. But why, why, WHY is this movie in 3-D?
Those are EW.com’s 25 Movies They Can’t Wait to See. As for me? I’ve counted one movie (The Hobbit) that I am unambiguously excited to see, eight movies I want to see but have some reservations about, and a whopping sixteen films I have no interest in seeing.
I also counted four female protagonists (and one female co-protagonist of a male co-protagonist), one non-white protagonist, two remakes of older films, two new adaptations of a fairy tale (the same fairy tale, no less), one franchise reboot, six adaptations of novels, three film adaptations of television shows, eight sequels, a film adaptation of a board game (which will NOT be as awesome as Clue), and three films – The Dictator, Brave, and Prometheus – that seem to be at least quasi-original ideas.
Yay! I am so excited for MORE OF THE SAME STUFF WE GET EVERY YEAR!
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I fully admit to loving the new Batman franchise (I am a huge Batman fan, in general, though I completely see the complications in his persona as a rich, white male that uses violence to, in effect, uphold a personal moral code and punish what he sees as deviant and criminal behaviour). I guess that goes back to my question about enjoying content that is potentially problematic…
Anyway. I admit that I pay very little attention to movies anymore despite my Film Studies minor. I’m much more interested in TV. Having said that, what caught my eye was the mention of (and my subsequent reading) about Sacha Baron Cohen. I haven’t seen any of his movies as I find his outrageous personalities a little too loud and “in your face” for me. Do you find any of his work to be overall, in general or specific, homophobic/sexist/supportive of rape culture/problematic?
I didn’t grow up loving Batman or being that interested in comics and superheroes, so maybe it doesn’t hold the same interest for me. I do really like the movies but I don’t love them.
In terms of SBC, I think he’s very talented and some of his comedy is very smart, but some of it is crap and just exploits stereotypes. I think Borat is funnier than Bruno.