My third installment of The Rom-Com Project of 2012 is He’s Just Not That Into You, a romantic comedy based on the self-help book of the same name. I did not read said self-help book, but I knew the basic premise because I was familiar with the episode of Sex and the City that introduced the phrase to the world. The book is, from what I can tell, a guide for women on recognizing and interpreting signals from men, and the movie follows the same premise, telling stories about five different women who try to determine whether or not their boyfriends, husbands, or dates are…well, really into them.
In this way, He’s Just Not That Into You is different from Love Actually or Valentine’s Day. Those two movies revolved around holidays, while this movie centered on a theme – a theme that Liz Lemon would call, “That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!”
The movie takes place in Baltimore, and if I didn’t know any better, I would think that Baltimore was inhabited almost entirely by a) white people, and b) gay people who have nothing better to do than give snarky and sassy relationship advice to their straight, unattached friends. Setting the movie in Baltimore seems so pointless, as though the producers pulled the name of a city out of a hat and decided to film a movie there. It seems especially egregious when the cast is so overwhelmingly white.
Anyway, the (white) people in this movie trying to analyze the behaviors of their relationship partners are Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson, and Kevin Connolly. The result is a movie that is better than I thought it would be, and yet, still a disappointment.
The concept of He’s Just Not That Into You is a really intriguing one, despite the glib title. How many people spend precious time analyzing the actions of their partners or potential partners, trying to figure out what everything means? “What did he mean when he said this?” “What did she mean when she said that?” And the questions don’t stop when the two people get together. “Do you think he’s as serious as I am?” “What if she just wants to be friends?”
I liked that the characters in the movie came from different stages in their relationships as they approached these questions: Ginnifer Goodwin was dating, Jennifer Aniston was in a long-term relationship, Jennifer Connelly was married, Scarlett Johansson was having an affair with a married man (J. Connelly’s husband, ruh roh!), and Kevin Connolly was trying to see if his friends-with-benefits (ScarJo) cared about him enough to be his girlfriend. It shows that questioning our relationships doesn’t stop once we reach a certain milestone. People will continue to ask questions even when they’ve been together for a long time.
At times, the movie gave us scenes that showed genuine human emotion. Jennifers Aniston and Connelly (and believe me, watching movies with so many Jen/Ginni-fers was highly confusing at times) give short speeches in the movie that manage to be affecting. Jennifer Connelly’s speech where she tries to rationalize her husband Bradley Cooper’s affair is quite sad and way too familiar, reminding me of too many conversations I have heard in real life.
By far, the best thing about the movie was the subplot with Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck. They play a long-term, unmarried couple who live together. She wants to get married and he doesn’t, so she breaks up with him, but then her father has a heart attack, and her now ex-boyfriend still comes by to the father’s house to help. She realizes that he’s truly committed to her even if he doesn’t believe in marriage, and they get back together.
At no point in the story was Jennifer Aniston characterized as a clingy, whiny bitch trying to trap an innocent man into marriage. At no point was Ben Affleck characterized as an insensitive jerkwad stringing along an innocent woman. When Jennifer Aniston broke up with him, she stuck to the “I” statements and told him that she wanted something different, that she was holding back from not wanting to appear too clingy.
For a movie with a silly title, it managed to have a rather sweet, mature storyline about two people who temporarily break up simply because they want different things – not because of a silly misunderstanding, or infidelity, or stupid romantic comedy contrivances. They behaved like real adults and I believed every step of their story – the long-term relationship, the breakup, and the reunion. It helped that the two actors had very sweet, natural chemistry together. The second he walked into their shared apartment and greeted her, I believed them as a long-term couple. Their subplot made for a nice little short film about compromises, communication, and loyalty.
I only wish the rest of the movie could have lived up to that storyline.
It wasn’t that any story was aggressively bad (although Drew Barrymore’s misadventures in online dating was complete filler material and clearly thrown in because she’s an executive producer). I just didn’t care about the rest of it. I liked Jennifer Connelly’s performance but never believed her and Bradley Cooper as a married couple. I never understood Bradley Cooper’s character’s emotions – how he felt about his wife, how he felt about ScarJo, or what he saw in either of them. Ginnifer Goodwin’s behavior made me believe she literally had no life aside from dating and overanalyzing what her dates thought of her. While I appreciate that ScarJo wasn’t made to be a complete villain, I still had little sympathy for a person who aggressively pursues a married man simply because they had a connection while standing in a grocery checkout line.
Most of all, I was disappointed because the movie didn’t live up to an intriguing premise. In the beginning of the movie, Ginnifer Goodwin’s character narrates that our romantic problems begin the moment a boy knocks a girl down in a playground and a well-meaning adult justifies that behavior with a trite, “He’s teasing you because he likes you!”
The “he’s teasing you because he likes you!” myth that so many well-meaning adults feed children can have some truly dangerous repercussions in young adulthood and adulthood. It’s not a far leap from “he’s teasing you because he likes you!’ to “he hurts me because he loves me.” As a child, I never believed the “he’s teasing you because he likes you!” excuse, and once loudly proclaimed, “If it’s true that boys tease you when they like you, THEN I MUST BE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL.”
I’m not bringing this up to invite myself to a pity party of one. I wouldn’t characterize any of the comments I received from boys in high school as bullying; it was simply annoying teasing. But that kind of conditioning at a young age can stay with people, even skeptics like me.
I also didn’t expect the movie to delve into the possible negative repercussions of the “he teases you because he likes you” myth – it is, after all, a romantic comedy juggling multiple plots and unlikely to examine these cultural mores and their effects. But I was disappointed all the same. The concept is something that can be explored in depth, but it wasn’t deep enough to be interesting, and wasn’t witty or incisive enough, either.
My problem with the film was that most of it fell flat. Because of the premise and the Aniston/Affleck, it was better than I thought it would be. But because it took potentially interesting stories and gave them shallow treatment, the movie managed to be disappointing even as it exceeded my expectations in other areas.
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I haven’t seen this since it came out but I’ll try to jog my memory. I do remember seeing it with a group of women and straight male friends of mine. Most of the women were deeply offended by the female characters and felt the movie was portraying women as needy and desperate to compromise for a guy. (ScarJo sleeping with a married guy and leading her fwb guy on, Connelly justifying/blaming herself for said husbands actions and worst of all Ginnifer Goodwin pining away over every guy who is “just not that into her.” ) It’s interesting that you liked the Aniston storyline as the women I was with (including me) felt that it was a story of a woman who compromises what she wants for her own life because she is in love with a guy (though I’m glad she didn’t let him marry her in the end as that wouldn’t have been fair to him).
The men I viewed it with, on the other hand, felt the movie was portraying all the male characters as heartless jerks and was anti-male (the cheating husband, the noncomittal boyfriend *Affleck, though I realize you don’t view him that way*, the player (Justin Long), the pathetic guy who ignores the good girl so he can pursue the girl who is using him, etc. Needless to say no one was happy, though I think most of the women had higher expectations.
The storyline which bugged me the most was Goodwin’s because I related to her character the most, heck I even look like her, but she was portrayed as extremely pathetic. I, and probably many women, have had trouble reading the signs of guys and knowing if they’re interested or just being nice (which can be hard if you’re attracted to nice, quiet guys like I am) but the way she embarrasses herself not taking a hint, pining and obssessing over these guys and, like you said, having no life other than dating really felt insulting and confusing as to the message it was trying to send “Make a complete fool of yourself pursuing a player who is giving you mixed signals but it will be alright in the end because he will come to his senses and realize he’s in love with you?”
Regarding the Aniston/Affleck storyline, you make some great arguments in their favor, I just was so jaded against the movie by the end of it that I wasn’t trusting enough of the writers to view their storyline in a positive light. It could also be that I really don’t care for Affleck (though I love Matt Damon, go figure).
Sorry for the long post 😛
It’s interesting that you liked the Aniston storyline as the women I was with (including me) felt that it was a story of a woman who compromises what she wants for her own life because she is in love with a guy (though I’m glad she didn’t let him marry her in the end as that wouldn’t have been fair to him).
I didn’t see it as a compromise because, more than anything, she wanted commitment and loyalty. She had equated commitment and loyalty with marriage, but then realized that her boyfriend was still committed to her with or without getting married.
The men I viewed it with, on the other hand, felt the movie was portraying all the male characters as heartless jerks and was anti-male (the cheating husband, the noncomittal boyfriend *Affleck, though I realize you don’t view him that way*, the player (Justin Long), the pathetic guy who ignores the good girl so he can pursue the girl who is using him, etc.
I agree with that and probably should have touched on that in my original view. I couldn’t figure out Bradley Cooper’s motivation whatsoever and he was pretty much just your typical jerk. Justin Long’s switcheroo with Ginnifer Goodwin didn’t seem organic at all, like it happened only because the script dictated it.
I, and probably many women, have had trouble reading the signs of guys and knowing if they’re interested or just being nice (which can be hard if you’re attracted to nice, quiet guys like I am) but the way she embarrasses herself not taking a hint, pining and obssessing over these guys and, like you said, having no life other than dating really felt insulting and confusing as to the message it was trying to send “Make a complete fool of yourself pursuing a player who is giving you mixed signals but it will be alright in the end because he will come to his senses and realize he’s in love with you?”
Right? She seemed beyond the point of the typical obsessive, insecure person and acted downright deranged at times.
And I love long comments – no need to apologize!
This film made me scratch my head… are we in high school again with the whole mismatched and broken communication? I have never ever had even remotely similar relationships, neither in pining over someone, wondering if someone really likes me and overanalysing everything he does and says nor I have been in a cheating relationship. In regards to marriage, in my relationships I am the person who is not interested into them, and I made it very, very clear in the beginning that I am simply not interested into that.
It’s one of my biggest troubles with romantic comedies. It portrays people relationships (women/men, women/women, men/men, men/women) as overly simplistic and juvenile. Even worse, it creates two dimensional and equally unlikable characters (“Serendipity” for instance, my boyfriends loves this movie, I couldn’t stand it) for whom we are supposed to care, because the script says so? And we should feel better about ourselves and want the same? Really?
I am waiting for the “She’s just not that into you” to come out to know that 1. the shit hit the fan but at least it hit it 2. equally and 3. to stop watching American cinema forever. 🙂
I have never ever had even remotely similar relationships, neither in pining over someone, wondering if someone really likes me and overanalysing everything he does and says
I *can* relate to that, because I am very neurotic and I have neurotic friends. Maybe it’s an American/New Yorker thing? 😉
It is completely possible. 🙂
I have actually read the book (I was house-sitting for three weeks and it was there, so I read it. Along with “What Would Buffy Do?” and “Eragon.” Teenage daughter.)
Anyway, the book is geared towards “stop making excuses to chase after men that treat you like crap.” That is, for example, if a guy doesn’t call when he says he’ll call, then he’s just not that into you and you should move on. (Obviously, this would be a pattern of such behavior, not a one-time thing.)
The book itself doesn’t have bad advice at all. It’s mostly reasonable stuff, and while there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all, it covers most of the bases of manipulative/abusive behavior fairly well. What the book doesn’t have, of course, is a plot.
So in the movie, what you get is Ginnifer Goodwin, following the “he’s just not that into you” advice, and then it turns out that ACTUALLY HE *IS* INTO YOU. That scene where she says “we’re not the exceptions to the rule, we’re the rule”? Yeah gotta get rid of that so we can have a happy ending. That was the most failtastic part of the movie, in my opinion.
Although, since I also hate Bradley Cooper and Ben Affleck, this movie didn’t have much going for it to begin with, at least for me.
So in the movie, what you get is Ginnifer Goodwin, following the “he’s just not that into you” advice, and then it turns out that ACTUALLY HE *IS* INTO YOU. That scene where she says “we’re not the exceptions to the rule, we’re the rule”? Yeah gotta get rid of that so we can have a happy ending. That was the most failtastic part of the movie, in my opinion.
Great point. They try to cover it up when she finds out that she’s the “exception,” but come on, that’s stupid.
Although, to be honest, I don’t think his eleventh-hour revelation that he was into her was completely out of left field. When she wondered why he would interrupt an evening with a date just to talk to her about her guy problems, I was asking myself the same thing.
True, it wasn’t like a 180 degree about face for Long’s character, but the thing is, it undermined the entire thesis of the movie.
Sure, people are messy, and it’s not like people are always *immediately* into someone. Some feelings grow with time. But when the point of the movie is supposed to be “if a guy is interested then he will call every Jane Doe in the phone book until he finds the right Jane Doe that he met at a bar, so it a guy doesn’t call he’s just not that interested” and then it’s all “oops I was sending mixed signals but it was because I didn’t realize I was into you” it weakens the whole thing. What was the point of all that advice if, in the end, it turned out to be irrelevant anyway?
What was the point of all that advice if, in the end, it turned out to be irrelevant anyway?
Definitely. And having Justin Long insist that she’s the “exception” to the rule does nothing but create more unrealistic expectations.
I’ve read the book and watched the movie (only once, quite a while ago) but I remember being irritated when I read the book because they address all men, women, and relationships there in with blanket advice – there’s no allowance for human error, pathos, or real-life happenings getting in the way. For the most part, though, the advice they gave in the book wasn’t bad.
Not particularly realistic, though: “They had been dating for three weeks when her job was moving her across the country. Neither wanted to do long-distance, but Jake couldn’t stop thinking about her. Within two months, he had moved to Boston and they were together. If he’s really into you, he’ll find a way to make it work.” <— This is a paraphrased story I remember from the book, NOT A DIRECT QUOTE.
The movie, however, didn't really reflect the book's advice. As pointed out above, Ginnifer Goodwin's character read like the typical rom-com lead role and she was the exception. While I did like Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck’s storyline, at the end of the day, they still ended up back together, both willing to compromise. That doesn’t take away from the realism of the couple’s relationship, but it certainly helps it fit in with the rom-com/happy endings theme.
I’ve heard those criticisms AND compliments about the book. I haven’t read it, but I loved It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by the same author. THAT book would make an interesting comedy.
Honestly I think the storyline I related to the most was Ginnifer Goodwin/Justin Long. Maybe it’s because I’m a hopeless singleton in a sea of married and engaged friends (okay, I’m not really hopeless but after about the fifth woman asks you to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and tried to set you up with the only single groomsman you start to feel a little pathetic) but I really do spend a lot of time with my girlfriends obsessing over what it all means when a guy says this or does that and oh my gosh is he really that into me and why didn’t it all work out and what did I do wrong? So while I guess I can see that her character is sort of a caricature of my life (well, not mine specifically, but you know what I mean?) I also kind of loved that I could so relate to her. And that she figures it out in the end. I mean, my life isn’t a movie obviously but it does make me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside that maybe I won’t have to die alone. Wow, I’m making myself sound like a parody of a real human being. I promise I’m not really as ridiculous as this all makes me seem.
First of all, your blog name is AWESOME.
Secondly, I understand what you mean. I spend a fair amount of time obsessing over The Behavior Of Men with my girlfriends, too. I felt that Ginnifer Goodwin’s character was too much of a caricature and had no life outside of obsessing over men, but then again, it’s a romantic comedy – of course the story is going to focus more on the characters’ love lives than anything else.
Well thank you for the compliment 🙂
And yeah, I think there’s a certain amount to be said for the medium. Like, if this were a different kind of film would we have gotten more depth of character? But given that it is a romantic comedy I think it did a pretty good job of staying grounded. That’s something I really dig about it. The friendships aren’t set up as women pit against other women. When we see ScarJo and Drew in the drugstore together they’re not secretly plotting to take each other down. When Jennifer, Jennifer, and Ginnifer are talking about the various men in their lives in the office you get the sense that they care about these other women and hope that their love lives turn out alright. So maybe they are all talking about men and relationships but at the same time the picture of women getting along and not plotting the destruction of their friends behind their backs is nice. Even when Jennifer Connelly finds out her husband is cheating the movie doesn’t fall back on her seeking revenge on ScarJo. She gets mad at her husband. Which, y’know, she should. Although I will say that looking back on it the movie isn’t so nice to dudes. (Which is not something I’ve ever really noticed since 99% of the time when I pull this film off the shelf to watch it’s because I’m in a “I’m so lonely and all men suck” kind of mood.)
This movie has a curious effect in me. I have seen it about five times because I’m a sucker for rom coms, even some really bad ones (The last one I watched was What’s your Number? and I found myself liking it and feeling really bad about it at the same time). Anyway, about this movie, it just kept getting worst and worst every time, especially Ginnifer’s character. She doesn’t learn anything, the whole experience just ends up validating what she had been doing all along. It says just keep trying and at some point one of those guys who didn’t like you in the first place will show up on your doorstep and give a great speech about how he was wrong. I don’t know, it just bothers me.
Ben Affleck/Jennifer Aniston’s story was the best part of the movie, so I agree with you on that one. And I just didn’t care for the rest of the characters. Bradley Cooper didn’t even seen to like any of the women he was with and it didn’t help that I really don’t like Scarlett Johanson, but that is just personal preference.
I’m really glad I found this blogpost because the last time I saw the movie I was left wondering about what a feminist analysis of it would be like. I only recently started eagerly reading about feminism and putting on feminist googles in my media consumption. 🙂
I think an important thing to note is the context of which all this happens the bar scene. I don’t think it’s far fetched for a Bartender/Owner (Justin Long) to be well versed in Communication and Body language with People at a bar. All the guys Gigi is picking up/going out with are from the bar scene. So if you look at it in that context, it may not be such a broad brush about all men and all women. It’s almost like Alex is saying to Gigi what did you expect. I think both characters learned from each other and matured as the movie went on. Plus Gigi letting Alex have it, I think is what he needed to realize how callus he was. I thought their Characters were great and realistic. Their chemistry was very believable. I felt Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck had great chemistry as well. Jennifer Connelly played her character well as did Bradly Cooper but that they did not seem like a believable couple if that makes sense, lol. I was not bothered by Drew’s character because she didn’t do much in the movie. I also thought having the setting in Baltimore was pointless. All in all I loved the movie.