Have you seen “Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls?” If not, watch it right now:
“Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls” is Franchesca Ramsey’s response to the popular video “Shit Girls Say”, which is a hilarious video that lampoons typical things that “girls” say. (One might think that a feminist like me would automatically find such a video sexist, but I don’t. There’s nothing mean-spirited or nasty about “Shit Girls Say”; it has the tone of a man gently and accurately ribbing one of his female friends or sisters on her mannerisms.) This video, however, takes the parody one step further and ribs white women on the unintentionally racist things they say to black women.
I found this video very, very funny, and also uncomfortable to watch. I’ve said at least three or four of those things over the course of my life, and found the “You guys can do so much with your hair!” the most damning on a personal level. There was a time in my early childhood where I envied black girls for their ability to style their hair and have the style stay in one place and wear dreadlocks and extensions and beads, and enthusiastically announced my envy to my black female classmates, completely unaware (because I was five) of the historical context of white people treating black women and their hair as public property.
As a fairly well-read adult, I now know better than to make these comments that unintentionally mark black women as foreign creatures in their own country that they live in, and this video was a good (and very funny lesson) about how even our intended compliments don’t sound complimentary when we consider historical context.
Apparently, not everyone saw it that way, and Tami Winfrey Harris covers some of the backlash here. Basically, white women have been crying “reverse racism!” and “why wouldn’t it be okay to do something called Shit Black Girls Say to White Girls?!”
It’s a really good article and you should read the whole thing. The writer covers the issue of microaggressions and the very real differences between racist comments from white people and racist comments from black people.
There’s nothing that needs to be added to this because she does a great job explaining the issue in detail, but I’ve been thinking about this issue for awhile and wanted to throw in another perspective – the perspective of a white woman who taught mostly black students for four years.
As a middle school teacher in an urban setting, I had many frank, honest discussions with my students about a wide variety of issues. They never held back from sharing their opinions about any controversial subjects, and class discussions about novels would sometimes sidetrack into loud, lively conversations.
The one issue where my students sometimes held back was on the subject of race.
It didn’t take long for one of the students to bring up the topic of race, but whenever it happened, they would do one of two things: they would show a moment’s hesitation and say, “I know not all white people are like this, but..” or offer a lot of other qualifiers to ensure they wouldn’t offend me, or they would make a comment about “white people” and then get the deer-in-the-headlights look and apologize with a, “Not you, miss!”
Keep in mind that some of these same kids would shout profanities at me if I told them to put their iPods away or spit out their gum, and say these profanities without a trace of shame or fear. They were only concerned about offending me on the issue of race. One day, one of my students announced, completely casually, “I don’t like Jewish people because they don’t like black people,” and after seeing the surprised look on my face, asked in horror, “Oh, are you Jewish? I’m sorry.” (I sputtered something about how prejudice of all kind is bad and then moved on because I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that.)
Except for that one incident, I can’t say that I was offended at all by any comments that my students made about “white people,” but if a white student had made a comment about black people, he would’ve had to haul ass to the assistant principal. (Hypothetically, that is – I didn’t actually have any white students.)
What, you might ask, is the difference?
To put it very simply, black people didn’t spend centuries oppressing white people, owning white slaves, selling white slaves, and raping and impregnating white people to make even more slaves.
To put it another way – what are some of the racist comments you hear white people say about black people? You’ve got the obnoxious comments from the white girl in Franchesca Ramsey’s video calling things “ghetto,” assuming all black people know each other, commenting on people who don’t act “stereotypically black” (implying that “stereotypically black” is bad). But you also have the more hateful comments that white people make about black people – that they’re dirty, or have nasty hair, or that they’re inherently lazy. Working at a school with mostly black students meant I heard these types of comments a lot – if not about the students themselves, then about their parents.
On the other hand, the comments my students would make about white people weren’t of the “ghetto” or “lazy” or “dirty” variety. If they talked about “white people” as a whole, they commented on the way white people treated them: white retail workers, white police offers, other white teachers, assuming they were ghetto or lazy or dirty, or thieves or violent or bad influences, simply because they were black.
In other words, the comments weren’t about disliking white people. They were about mistrusting white people – assuming that white people would assume the worst of them for being black. And this isn’t a mistrust based on negative white stereotypes they see on television or in the media. This is a mistrust based on real life experience, because they or everyone they knew had at least one experience of being a victim of racism. Even the anti-Semitic comment I mentioned about was focused on how my student believed Jewish people perceived him. (I am NOT condoning or excusing anti-Semitism here, just looking at my student’s way of thinking).
There’s an epilogue to this story.
After a few months of the school year, my students and I would start to become more comfortable with each other. We knew each other better and developed a rapport.
On more than one occasion, one of my students might make a comment about “white people” without the usual qualifier. I would jokingly point to myself and say, “Excuse me?” to which my student would wave hir hand dismissively and say, “You don’t count.”
“You don’t count as white.” Yet another comment that can be so loaded depending on the context.
If a white person says to a black person, “I don’t see you as black,” s/he is saying, essentially, “You’re not like those other black people – you know, the bad ones. You’re one of the good ones. Nice job!” or “I’m erasing an important part of you so I can make myself good about being liberal. BLAH BLAH COLORBLIND SOCIETY BLAH BLAH.”
That’s not what my students were saying to me. When they said they didn’t see me as white, it was a sign of trust. “You’re not like those other white people – you know, the ones who think the worst of us because we’re black.”
This isn’t to say that there are no black people who never make truly racist comments, or no white people who are sensitive to race issues. This isn’t to brag about how I was SUCH AN AWESOME TEACHER OMG!!! or to hold myself as a paragon of a Non-Racist White Person.
My only goal is to add to the dialogue and show how the same statement can be completely different when coming from different people. Context matters.
And if, after viewing “Shit White Girls Say About Black Girls,” reading Tami Winfrey Harris’s article, and reading this post, you still think that black people shouldn’t be making these “assumptions” about white people? Then be vocally anti-racist and give people a reason to trust you. Don’t complain that it isn’t fair that you don’t get to say the n-word. That’s not a privilege worth winning.
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Thank you, this is so well written and so accurate. Your student are extreamly lucky to have you as a teacher
Karen
Thanks! I’m not actually a teacher anymore, but I hope I was able to make a difference in the four years I did it.
This was a great, well written, highly accurate article! Thank you for “getting it”.
I’m trying to share this article on my facebook page, is there such a feature on here that will allow this?
Thank you, I’m glad you liked it, and I’m glad I was able to “get it.”
There’s a Share button at the bottom of the post, right above the comments, if you click on the title of the post. If you’re on the blog’s home page, you won’t see it, but you’ll see it if you click the title and then scroll down.
Thank you, I didn’t see that feature when I read the article at work…maybe because I should have been working and reading great articles.
Did you see the somewhat similar firestorm that went down in the UK last week? In the context of a discussion about the concept of the term “black community”, a black MP tweeted:
“White people love playing ‘divide and rule’ We should not play their game #tacticasoldascolonialism”
What was the response from the (overwhelming white) British media and political class? WAAAAAAAH IF A WHITE PERSON SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE THERE WOULD BE AN OUTCRY! THIS IS TOTALLY RACISM!!11eleventy
*doublePicardfacepalm*
Yes, Diane Abbott has come under fire for that comment…but I agree with her. She did make a very broad statement about white people in general, but she is right.
The trouble is that not everyone can handle the truth.
And the people complaining about what she said on Twitter are mostly supporters of the BNP. They have no problem with Emma West’s racist rant on the train, though…she was saying that minorities need to leave Britain and return to their own countries.
Wow. Really great post.
Appreciated your vulnerability and reflection around your classroom experience. It’s true how jarring that experience could be, and how blatantly kids will say some offensive things, but yet when it comes to race be well aware of the necessary sensitivity. I found this piece particularly intriguing.
“In other words, the comments weren’t about disliking white people. They were about mistrusting white people – assuming that white people would assume the worst of them for being black. And this isn’t a mistrust based on negative white stereotypes they see on television or in the media. This is a mistrust based on real life experience, because they or everyone they knew had at least one experience of being a victim of racism. Even the anti-Semitic comment I mentioned about was focused on how my student believed Jewish people perceived him. (I am NOT condoning or excusing anti-Semitism here, just looking at my student’s way of thinking). ”
I’m curious – Funny feminist, where do you teach? I too work in education and would love to hear more of your stories.
Also – check out this teacher’s reflections on “white trust” in the NYTimes.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/18/opinion/sunday/young-black-and-frisked-by-the-nypd.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all
Thx again for sharing!
Thank you for this article. When I hear white friends say reverse racism I’m thinking to myself its doesn’t hold as much weight to try and pair it with racism from minorities (not just black). You put it so eloquently. As a black female who idenifies self as the “suburban black girl” or the “not so average black girl”, a number if things chescaleigh stated in the vid I can relate to cause it was said to me by white and non black friends. I felt hurt internally but I would fight against it because these people I labeled my friend and I can’t blow up at them cause they don’t see me as true black because all the negative stereotypes of black people they have in their heads don’t fit my description. I felt it but I also felt that I didn’t have enough premise to address the incredible offense I was feeling from someone I called a friend. I’m speech less cause this article shows that there are some white people who fully understand and empathize with certain situations.
Seriously, thank you for this
I agree…this happens to me as well. Some people act shocked because I’m shy and soft-spoken, I’m educated, and I also don’t fit the image of a “typical” black woman. I’m very light-skinned with long hair so I also hear people telling me that I’m not really black. My father is white but I still see myself as a Black woman. It hurts because I just want to be myself without all the racial stereotypes being projected on me.
I feel you on not being able to articulate how offensive it is when people say certain things. In my case, I know that people will accuse me of being “angry” or having a bad attitude when I speak up, so I often stay silent…but inside I’m so hurt and angry because they are essentially being allowed to make racist or ignorant comments without being challenged.
I love my in-laws but they have made some pretty offensive comments and it goes unchecked, although I’ve been making a conscious effort to remind them that despite my refinement and my light skin, I am still a biracial/Black person and it hurts me to hear comments like that.
Lady,
This is the best responses I have seen to this video thus far. Great job.
Thank you, Lady T…I’m biracial (black and white). I’ve experienced racism from both sides my whole life.
Thanks for trying to see it through the eyes of people who aren’t white.
I grew up being told all of the above…that I was ugly, that my hair was nasty, and that I would never be somebody because I was half black.
Just the other day I had a conversation with my husband, who is white, about the “N-word” being unacceptable…especially when it comes from a person who isn’t black. He doesn’t understand why white people aren’t allowed to use it freely, which is frustrating because there is so much painful history behind that.
He is a teacher as well and quite intelligent, but he still has a long way to go in becoming anti-racist.
Once again, kudos to you for reflecting on what it means to be white and how Black people can sometimes be hurt by ignorance.
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She’s flippin’ awesome! LUV her.
This was a really good read and I think a very accurate assessment. It’s an ongoing conversation that needs to be had and trust is at the very core. . . coming from a black girl married to a white man.
“Don’t complain that it isn’t fair that you don’t get to say the n-word. That’s not a privilege worth winning.” – Beautiful. #That Is All.
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I’ve said “black girls CAN do so much with your hair!”, but it’s coming from a good place. When I was little, the first time I saw black people was when I went on a bus to Chicago. I didn’t have a concept of black people. I saw all these little girls with “puff balls” in their hair – it was the early 70s. They’d either have one in the back or two on the sides. I thought they were so cool. I wanted my hair to have teeny tight curls and stick out so cutely. I asked my mom if she could put my hair in a puff ball and she just laughed. My hair was straight and blond. Now my hair is mostly straight and dull brown. Blah.
While many times (more than I’d like to know), white girls truly think they are aesthetically superior to black girls, what these white girls say is mostly out of ignorance. If you grow up in a place like Chicago, NY or LA where there are a significant number of people of African descent, you might think that the ratio of whites to blacks is 50/50. It’s not. Blacks make up only 14% of the country. Yes, while there are other minorities, most other minorities do not have extremely curly hair and they, too, are often wowed by African hair.
There’s a difference between thinking and knowing that someone looks different and someone looks inferior. Yes, there are many whites, and even blacks themselves that think blacks look and are inferior, but it’s not entirely the case. There are places where whites never see blacks other than in misrepresented roles in the movies. Yes, it is up to whites as people in power to use our privilege not to marginalize people but to make certain that non-whites get the same privileges.
FYI, I roomed with black girls who loved touching my hair except when it was greasy. For some reason, I knew that it would be a bad idea to touch their hair. Not just because doing that is rude, but because their hair were works of art & they’d spent a lot of time & money to get it that way.
Aside from the fact that most whites and blacks DO look different from each other, everyone except identical twins look different from each other. Those differences although sometimes small, make us interesting and cause wonder. Black girls, embrace the fact that you have unique, interesting hair even if at first the idea makes your eyes roll. You’re not the same old, same old, at least in many parts of this country.