“I hate to spoil the ending for you, but Pride ends up with Prejudice.”

Is there  any literary comfort food better than Pride and Prejudice? No, there is not.  Every time I read it (about once a year), I have to force myself not to swallow the whole thing in one gulp.  I try to pace myself, but I can’t.  Watching the 1995 BBC miniseries presents the same problem.  I can only watch it when I have nothing else to do that week because I will watch all six hours in one night if I’m not stopped.

I feel less inclined to watch the 2005 version again.  I somewhat enjoyed it the first time I watched it, and especially liked Rosamund Pike as Jane, but when I watched the proposal scenes from both versions back to back, I almost felt embarrassed.  The 2005 version just doesn’t compare.

Let’s take a look at the proposal scene from the 1995 version:

I love Colin Firth in this scene.  His agitation and struggle is such a marked difference from Darcy’s too-cool-for-school attitude in the beginning of the miniseries.  He shows just how much his love for Elizabeth completely rattles and unravels him, and when she rejects him, he’s shocked, shocked, I tell you. He may be in love with her, but he’s so arrogant that he had absolutely no doubt she would accept him.  He fully believes that, given the disparity in their connections, he’s doing her a favor by bestowing his love and admiration.  Jennifer Ehle as Elizabeth is also perfect.  She’s all cool civility in the beginning, bowled over by his profession of love, and calmly biting until he pushes her to the edge.

I cringe in this scene and feel pity for both characters, but importantly, the comedy still comes through.  I can’t help but laugh at Darcy’s mention of how he loved her against his will.  “Your family’s an embarrassment.  I make much, much more money than your family does.  Being united with your family would be shameful and I would be humiliated to be associated with them.  But I love you, so marry me?”  Oh, Darcy.

Meanwhile, ten years later, we have this:

Marvel at Elizabeth running through the rain in the wet countryside with lush piano music tinkling on the soundtrack.  Gasp with her as Mr. Darcy surprises her out of nowhere (because people were doing that all the time in the Regency period, don’t you know).  Watch as Matthew MacFadyen and Keira Knightley rush through their dialogue and steamroll over each other – I mean, show Darcy and Elizabeth’s deep! passion! for! each! other! Weep as Mr. Darcy gives Elizabeth his best wounded puppy look because he’s so insecure (just like Darcy in the book…riiiiight), and watch as Elizabeth stares wetly back at him looking like she would love nothing more than to kiss him – because she certainly doesn’t completely loathe him at that point in the story.

I had a bad feeling about the 2005 adaptation even before I saw it, because Keira Knightley said something in an interview comparing Darcy and Elizabeth to two teenagers who don’t realize how much they actually like each other…and that’s exactly how she plays it.  Oh, honey.  No.  It’s such a disservice to both characters, especially Elizabeth, to describe them in that way.  Elizabeth’s problem is not that she’s SEKRITLY IN LUUV with Darcy from the very beginning but in denial about her feelings.  Her problem is that she’s almost as arrogant as Darcy is, so impressed with herself for being a wonderful judge of character, that she doesn’t revise her opinion of him until given evidence that she’s wrong.  She’s not a teenage girl who just can’t decide which boy she likes better omg.  She’s a grown-ass woman who is more flawed than she realizes.  Knightley plays her like a petulant teenager.  FAIL.  And MacFadyen plays Darcy as insecure and wounded and emo.  DOUBLE FAIL.

I don’t think I even need to mention that the movie is just so lush and gorgeous and Romantic with a DOUBLE Capital R, with heightened emotions, Elizabeth and Darcy meeting each other at daybreak on the moors and staring at each other lustfully.  Never mind that Jane Austen spent an entire book and a half – Northanger Abbey and Sense and Sensibility – mocking all of those Romantic conventions.

“My dear Elizabeth, I am afraid we have stumbled into a Wuthering Heights adaptation.”

I’m not a purist.  I enjoy modern adaptations of Austen novels.  But if you’re going to sex up an Austen story to appeal to a contemporary audience, just set it in contemporary times.  Don’t Twilight-up the Regency period.